Hyper Luigi Reviews #6:Sexy Poker by Hyper Luigi

 

Sexy Poker

Platform:WiiWare

Gerne:Gambling

Controller Input:Wii Remote

Nintendo Points:500

 

Is Sexy Poker sexy, or will it turn you off?

 

Gameloft has greatly supported both the WiiWare and DSiWare services with great titles in the past. From games like TV Show King for WiiWare to Asphalt 4 for DSiWare, we have played and enjoyed Gameloft’s games. But Gameloft has just released one of the most controversial games for the WiiWare service:Sexy Poker.

In Sexy Poker, you can play either Texas Hold ‘Em or Blackjack with 6 girls, but you can only choose 1 girl at first, you have to unlock the other girls by beating the previous girl.

 

The gameplay is very simple, you just use the Wii Remote to point at the screen, and click on what choice you want to make during poker. It is basically point and click poker. If you are performing well at poker, the girl will start taking part of her clothing off. Gradually, she will take her clothes off until all she is wearing is her lingerie. You win once you have accomplished that, but you can keep playing for a high score. Once, you have beaten all 6 girls, that’s it. There is NO REPLAY VALUE WHATSOEVER!

 

 

To make matters worse, there is a gallery mode. The gallery mode allows you to take the girls’ clothes off without playing poker after beating them in poker. That kills any remote chance of replay value whatsoever! What’s the point if you can take the girls’ clothes off without playing poker again!? What was Gameloft thinking!?

 

 

The game is laughably easy. There is a slight challenge playing against the last two girls, but even they are easy to beat! Even people who rarely played poker [like me] will blast through this game! You can beat the entire game in an hour or two.

 

 

The dialouge is laughably bad, and the voice acting is a joke. For example one of the girls will say, ”I can give you my special treatment” and, ”You can look but not touch”. The girls are not even fully voice acted, most of their words are in text. The girls are just still images, they do not hardly move. The girls do not even look realistic, they look like they were taken from a Japanese anime. The worst part is that the girls will never have their clothes completely off. It is basically Strip Poker without the girls entirely stripping. That is similar to JV Games’s Pong Toss without alcohol. I understand if Sexy Poker would have not been released on WiiWare uncensored, but it would have been better for the game to not have been released at all. To top it all off, there is no multiplayer mode. There are hardly no options except to turn the sound and music on or off and turn the Wii Remote’s rumbe feature on or off. I played Sexy Poker with the Wii Remote’s rumble on, and it was a frightening experience to say the least.

 

Gameloft should be ashamed of themselves. Sexy Poker is a joke. It is supposed to be a strip poker game, but it fails in every way. It is too short, unsatisfying, and is too easy. This game is not worth 500 points, it is not even worth if it was free! Do not let Sexy Poker seduce you, and avoid this game at all costs!!

 

Graphics 2/10:The girls are still images, and the level designs are bland. This game looks like it was taken from an anime.

 

Sound 1/10:The music is forgettable, and the voice acting is hilariously bad.

 

Gameplay 1/10:All you do is point and click in this game. There is nothing else you can do in the poker games.

 

Lasting Appeal 1/10:You can beat the game in an hour or two, you can try to play to get a high score, but what’s the point!?

 

Overall 1/10:HORRENDOUS!!